Ever since I stopped doing my weekday shows, I find myself with more time to venture into what I’ve been wanting to explore. What I find is the difficulty in breaking old routines, habits formed from years of sleeping when the sun’s up and waking up to the silence of darkness. Misaligned with human nature, I found solace in the shadows. I embraced the side of positivity as much as I could until reality eventually caught up with me.
It’s funny how they say chase your dreams, live your passions, and don’t settle for less, while bills pile up and eat up your mental bandwidth. It’s a shame how the system is set up where green is gold. I envy those whose passions are in line with what society rewards. They have it good.
I was having drinks with an entrepreneur friend of mine and she brought it all into one sentence; “The struggle is REAL!” But I guess that’s what makes it worth it. The smell of triumph in the distance; if only you can find your way it would be yours for the taking. You can say, “Fuck the system!” but the truth is it’s fucking with you. It’s he who has the ability to weave in and out of the bullshit and make it happen amidst the mist of false impossibility that turns hopes into reality.
There’s one quote from Martin Buber that sums up my Bacolod trip over the weekend and it’s, “All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” I don’t like to plan out my trips in detail, which allows spontaneity to come into play. I go with the flow and see where my curiosity will take me. The main purpose of my trip was to attend a friend’s wedding and it turned into a reunion with family who exposed me to the beauty of what Bacolod, Talisay, and Pandanan had to offer. You never know what life has in store for you.
January 31, 2008 was my first ever show by myself on Magic 89.9. It was one of the scariest endeavors I took on. I remember sweating every time I turned on the mic, not knowing what to say and how to go about running a show.
In the beginning my focus was on learning what radio was all about but I figured out that all the technical know-how was useless until I dealt with my fears that prevented me from applying them the best I could. It became a journey about overcoming these barriers; the fear of judgement, criticism, and failure.
It’s been 6 years and at times I still get nervous, self-conscious, and doubtful of my abilities. It’s been a crazy ride but there’s nothing like experiencing a radio high. The ability to connect with people and play with their imagination by just using a microphone is sophistication in simplicity. I look forward to more years filled with challenges that’ll ultimately lead me to become a better version of myself and stare fear in the eyes and say, “thanks for pushing me in the right direction, bitch.”
I met up with the Junior Jocks one day to brainstorm on ideas on how to promote the auditions this year through video teasers. We came up with four that we decided to shoot the next week and edited to be released the week after that! I’m so happy to have people working towards the same goal.